After you have a baby, you go through strong changes that not everyone can understand. Physically, psychologically and emotionally, as a woman you are suddenly moving on a whole new terrain! And in addition, after giving birth, all your attention is on your child – that’s why sex may be the last thing on your mind right now. Each person experiences pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum in a unique way. For this reason, you should consider your own physical and emotional health and make a decision that feels best for you.
The best time to have sex after giving birth
There are currently no specific guidelines for how long you should abstain from sex after giving birth. It is routinely recommended that you do not have sex for about four to six weeks, primarily to prevent infection of the uterus or injury to any stitches. The most important thing is to give your body enough time to heal.
Don’t feel like having sex after giving birth? This is not unusual
Even if you’ve recovered physically enough to have sex again without pain or risk of injury, and your gynecologist or midwife have also given their OK, there are many other reasons that can influence your decision.
Factors that may affect your desire to have sex in the postpartum period include:
- Hormonal changes, especially during breastfeeding.
- Fatigue/lack of sleep
- Depression
- Pain in the vulva and vaginal area due to tearing during delivery or postpartum flow
- Your focus is on caring for the baby
- Quality and connectedness of the relationship between you and your partner and their support in your process and new role as a mother
- Trauma during birth
- Your own body image
Contraception: How quickly can you get pregnant again after giving birth?
Believe it or not, you can get pregnant again before your first period after giving birth – so it’s possible to go from one pregnancy to the next without having a period in between. For this reason, you should talk to your health care provider about contraceptive options if you want to prevent another pregnancy, or use hormone-free contraceptives like condoms that you can use without your health care provider.
Experts recommend waiting at least 18 months between pregnancies to give your body time to fully recover.
Common postpartum sex problems and solutions
Just because you feel mentally ready to have sex again doesn’t mean your body wants to. Chances are, a lot has changed since you last had sex: You’re physically recovering from childbirth, your hormones may be affecting your desire, and the addition to your family is robbing you of extra sleep and some energy.
Remember that you’re not alone, and that many new parents struggle with these challenges after giving birth. In time, you’ll bring postpartum sex back into your life – and, most importantly, enjoy it again.
The first sexual experience after the birth of a child can be an important step for couples to restore their intimate relationship and take it to a new level. However, there is no set schedule for postpartum sex; it should happen when you feel ready and comfortable.
Problem: Fear of pain
If you’re worried that sex will be painful, look for ways to relieve pain before sex, such as a warm bath or an over-the-counter pain reliever. Relax, take it slow, and most importantly, talk to your partner about how you feel and what you want. If post-baby sex is more painful than enjoyable, you should talk to your doctor. He or she can recommend tips according to your condition.
The problem: you are still bleeding after the birth
Postpartum bleeding, also called lochia, is a normal part of recovery, whether you gave birth vaginally or had a C-section. Bleeding helps your body get rid of the extra blood and tissue it needed during pregnancy. While heavier bleeding usually subsides after 10 days, you may continue to have spotting for up to six weeks after delivery. If your bleeding lasts longer than 6 weeks, you should contact your doctor.
If you feel ready to have sex during this time, soft tampons may help – or sex where you skip penetration for now.
The problem: Your sex drive is lower after giving birth.
Little desire for sex after giving birth is normal – after all, you’re dealing with fatigue, lower estrogen levels, and the stress of caring for a little new human. So if you’re not having sex for a long time in your relationship, realize that this is normal and not “your fault.”
A good way to restore intimacy with your partner is through honest, non-confrontational dialogue. Sharing your feelings is a healthy way to articulate your needs and concerns and be supported.
Let the communication slowly transition into physical intimacy over the next few days and weeks: Hand-holding, massages, cuddling, and surprise make-out sessions are all super ways to rekindle the romantic mood of pre-baby.
Conclusion
Remember that your intimate relationship is about more than just sex. Talk openly and honestly with your partner if you feel nervous or uncomfortable during sex. Then you can work together to find other ways to strengthen your partnership – even if it’s simply time together without the baby.